Game of Thrones recap: Valar Morghulis

I gotta wait 10 months for the 3rd season?!


This is feeling like the end of football season and just counting down until September.

Very happy with the season finale. Like I wrote last week, I was expecting there would be some storylines closed while others would just extend into season III. I’m pretty sure every character in the history of Game of Thrones was on last night’s episode. Let’s dive in…

Unleash the dragon

Finally! We got some dragons burning something besides pieces of meat. The whole sequence in the House of the Undying was awesome. Just the visuals were kick ass from Daenerys being in the room where her father died to seeing her former love, Khal Drogo. Drogo’s lines were great. No one can make subtitles sound as eloquent like him. Typical of his “Fuck the world” mentality.

Then her scene where she called for her dragons to kill the Uncle Fester’s skinny brother was awesome. Daenerys seems to be realizing that she’s going to have to do things herself. No more asking for ships or help or food. No way. You have dragons, take the damn cities and burn everyone. She’s going to have to conquer these fools. Also, I loved the way she killed/trapped Xaro Xhoan Daxos and her ex-friend. I think this is the start of a mean streak for her.

Lannisters suck

My prediction came true. I just had a feeling that Joffery would get engaged to Margaery Tyrell. Um, you think Joffery liked Margaery? His cheesy pick up line was straight out of a bar scene. As for Sansa, well, I still don’t understand why she wants to stay put even though Littlefinger offered to help her. Is she expecting her father to rise from the dead and guide her out of King’s Landing? Girl, get the hell out of there already.

And Poor Tyrion.

You knew he was getting fu#ked after he woke up. No more hand of the king. No more stone crows. No more Bronn. No stories of bravery. Just a Stuntman Mike scar for Tyrion. Yes, he still has Shea, but that’s a major kick in his dwarfy balls. I say he, Sansa and Shea run off together. Alas, Tyrion wants to stay because he gets off on trying to outsmart bad people. That’s commendable and all, but I’d rather goto an island with Shea and get fat and have sex until I drop. BTW, I’m starting to like Jamie Lannister in a bad guy/The Rock kind of way. Sure, he’s a douchebag, but his comebacks/sarcasm are hilarious with Brienne.

The Starks are hanging out

When you look back at this season, overall, the Starks didn’t exactly have a huge role in it like the 1st season. Jon Snow was marching through the snow and was chicken shit to put the moves on the redheaded girl. Rob Stark got hitched. Sansa was pretty much the same…just stupid. Brann and Rickon were hiding and having silly dreams. Ayra was the only character of the Starks to really have more of a storyline and evolve as a character.

Few things I’d like to add…

I think Rob is gonna get fu#ked by marrying the nurse (Talisa). Remember, when he first met her, she was a nurse for the Lannisters. Then, when he saw her the 2nd time she was writing something and seemed to be a bit startled when he said hello. Maybe she’s writing letters to Tywinn about what the Starks have planned or are moving to. Also, as much as Catelyn has gotten on my nerves as of late, she did warn Rob about not trusting a Greyjoy and now has warned him about breaking his vows with Walder Frey’s daughter. Mother knows best, right?

I have no clue what the deal was with Jon Snow dueling with Qhorin (Had to look his name up) to the death. What was the point of it? It was calculated plan from two episodes earlier, and I don’t really get the purpose of Qhorin wanting Snow to kill him. BTW, where is Snow’s uncle at? You know, they kind of went out looking for the guy along with finding out why villages were abandoned, and they haven’t brought his name up. Hmmm…Maybe he’s the King beyond the Wall?

Quick hits:

Jaqen H’ghar F’N rules! I’d give anything to have H’ghar’s hair, vocabulary and accent to pick up girls. That guy is the man! I hope because he can switch faces doesn’t mean we have seen the last of the actor who plays him. He’s awesome.

–Why is it so hard for Sansa (You could have left King’s Landing 10 different times) and Ayra (You could have went with Jagen to learn how to change your face) to take the hint in finding better locations? You could have went home or learned how to change your face!

–When it comes to bravery and knowing how to handle some zombies, Samuel will never be confused with Rick or Shane from the Walking Dead. What a way to end the season with an army of White Walkers marching. Have fun battling for the Iron Throne because Winter is coming all right.

— Seriously, great speech Theon. You idiot. Hope his father throws his ass into the sea.

–Stannis seems to be channeling his inner Beavis and Butthead when it comes to looking at fire.

MVP: Daenerys- Hot girl. Dragons. Fire. Awesome.

LVP: Cersie- Yes, she was only on the episode for 30 secs, but she really screwed Tyrion over.

Best scene: Dragons killing weird dude.

Kill total: 5- three stark men, Maester Luwin and Ohorin.

Best line: I will kill that man. I don’t care how many arrows they feather me with, how many spears they run through me—I will kill that horn-blowing c#$t before I fall. -Theon Greyjoy- 


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The Lord of Buffalo Wins