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The Buffalo Bills piss me off!!

Yeah, I’m not sure why they cut your BFF either, Rian.

For the first time in almost three full seasons, I’m missing a game on Sunday. I’ve got a nasty sinus infection and frankly, even if I’m in tip-top shape by the time Sunday morning rolls around I don’t feel like sitting around in the rain for half the day watching those assholes frustrate me even more. If the team was even somewhat palatable, this would be an easy decision for me: get blasted on Tylenol, take funnels of orange juice all morning, watch my boys trounce the lowly Jags, and then work on recovery throughout the week.

The problem is that they aren’t palatable.  They’re not even entertaining to me at this point (and beating the definitive dumpster fire that is the Mike Mularkey led Jaguars is no guarantee). Gailey has gone so far off the deep end that it’s hard for me to imagine that he believes half the bullshit he shouts out anymore. This whole organization, top to bottom, is without a clue.

“He’ll probably outlive you.” – Mary Wilson, threatening everyone in regards to her 239 year old husband.

This week alone has provided some of the most ridiculous quotes to make you want to shotgun a beer at 9am from the movers and shakers at One Bills Drive. Gailey proclaiming that the team is continually getting better, that they can and will win with Fitzpatrick, and that a future quarterback shouldn’t be thought of as anywhere in the near future. Russ Brandon saying that he’s not sure why the team has had troubles selling out late season games over recent years… you know what, let’s skip Ralph’s halfwit wife telling the media that he’s well (fuck you, really?) and that all this franchise needs is a little luck and get RIGHT TO THESE HOT TAKES.

Russ, my man – let me tell you, it’s not a “for some reason” kind of thing. You got this position because you’ve got half a brain in your head, or at least that’s what we were led to believe. The argument could be made for the cold weather, which contrary to the rest of the country’s belief; we aren’t exactly in love with. I can commute in it, walk through it, and spend a little time in it with no problem – but when we’re talking about sitting in it for close to eight hours (don’t even talk to me if you’re not tailgating or have box seats, you heathen) then things are getting ridiculous. Still, we all like a good snow game, we all know how to layer properly, and most of us get tanked enough in the lot that we don’t notice the cold. Even if those things weren’t true, I can’t say I’d skip a single cold game for a good team. Give me a reason to be invested. Russy baby, there’s a lot of northern teams that do just fine when the temperature drops. Not coincidentally, it’s because they don’t suck horrifically like the shitbrick franchise that employs you. I’ve said it before NUMEROUS times, and I’ll say it again: winning cures all ills. We won’t care about Fitzpatrick’s patented Final Drive Interception Showcase™, Lindell’s inability to kick a ball further than Kyle Williams can jump or …whatever it is that Brad Smith uh… does. We’ll care that our team is winning. That’s it. We’ll go to the games, we’ll get blasted, we’ll get loud, and we’ll stay past the third quarter (yes, that IS allowed in Orchard Park).

I know it’s not kosher for the CEO to come to the media and tell them “Well, we can’t sell out December because this team sucks worse than the WNBA” but come on, we can do better than that. We all used to love Nix when he was hired for the way that he spoke when a mic was in front of him, how honest and frank he was. Now, I could do without hearing a peep from him after he told WGR today that basically nothing is going right buuuuut we’re going to stay the course because he said something in a press conference three years ago about things taking time. Kay.

She’s got a point.

This team in general just seems to be going nowhere fast. I don’t think Nix is the problem and hell, sometimes I even think Gailey’s still a cool cat. The fact that we’re getting into make-believe land in these press appearances and interviews is driving me nuts though. Sure, Fitz is a real good winning quarterback and we’re just a little luck away from playoffs. Also, the Braves still play here and that Outer Harbor stadium will happen someday.

Right. Speaking of Sunday, I’ve got very low hopes for the game. For one, it’s supposed to be raining, so I already feel for my brethren sitting front and center in 242 (the rest of y’all can get bent on some real ish). Then you’ve got the fact that this is a game that they should win. That right there bumps the difficulty up three or four notches for these guys. Even without Jones-Drew, who’s been officially ruled out for this week, the never-confused-for-potent Jacksonville offense stands a pretty good chance. I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way, though. Hell, only myself and one other shithead took Jacksonville in the BuffaloWins staff predictions piece this week. I can’t put my finger on it for any other reason than it’s the Buffalo Bills. What have they done lately to tell you that they can win these gimmes?

I hope they prove me wrong, honestly. Even if they lose out and get a top five pick they’ll find a way to squander it, so let’s have some fun while we still can at least. Jesus. Draft disappointments.

I need a beer.

This dude’s got the right idea.

Closing this out, I just realized that we’re a few hours from it being December. It’s been a solid thirty days that I’ve had to put up with friends and complete goddamn strangers asking me why I’m trying to go for that ‘creepy guy from 70′s porn’ look (as if there were normal looking dudes hanging around in the dong films back then). I, as always, participated in Movember this year and grew a mustache for cancer awareness. I didn’t raise a dime this time around, but at least I wasn’t one of these guys (I know number 18. So much love, buddy). AAAAAANYWHO, I’m going to go shave off this snot catcher and grow a beard again. Not because the ladies dig ‘em (they do), but be cause I’m so tired of using a razor and hey Buster, I’m entitled. You kids have fun and we’ll chat again after Sunday’s big hullabaloo. ‘Sgo Bills.

Joe

About Joe

The Lord of Buffalo Wins

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