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5 reasons to hate the New York Jets

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5) Rex Ryan: I don’t hate Rex Ryan as much as a lot of people do. Yes, he’s a loudmouth, but honestly, I kind of find that refreshing. However, he’s a little too much sometimes. The things that come out of his mouth about declaring Super Bowl titles multiple times come off as being the Boy who cries wolf too often . How about when he dresses up for press conferences? By my count, he’s dressed as his hippie brother and as a football scholar. Dude, what is the point? Maybe once in a while, but not every month. Get over it. Plus, I’m not big on a coach who hasn’t won a division title being billed as the face of a franchise. Bill Cowher and Bill Parcells can pull it off, not Rex. Frankly, his stupid brother, Rob, is the guy I want destroyed. That guy has been fired from his two last jobs, but he’s a loud mouth and is related to Rex so we have to kiss his ass. Please. I’ll be getting more into Rob next week, when the Bills play the Cowboys. Back to Rex, you can’t ignore his stupid foot fetish issues either. I’ve never understood why couples decide to tape each other in any sort of sexual encounters. Why relive it on video when you can just do it live?! With that being said, I REALLY don’t get why you would video tape your wife’s feet. That’s just plain weird.

4) Jets WRs are tools: The captain, Santanio Holmes, makes Craig Rivet look like Captain America. The dude was caught with weed and was benched twice by his former coach in Pittsburgh. Then a girl filed a suit against him for throwing a glass at her in a nightclub. Then he tweeted once that he was going to “Wake and Bake.” Classy. Then, he celebrated his new contract by chugging liquor. Alright, that’s kind of funny. The opposite side WR, Plaxico Burress, accidentally shot himself when his pistol was tucked in the waistband of his sweatpants and began sliding down his leg which caused the gun to go off. First off, who the hell wears sweatpants to a club? Second, get a gun holster! Better yet, get a bodyguard who knows how to use a gun. It just doesn’t stop there. Braylon Edwards got a DWI two years ago and it became a huge story here in NYC. WHY?! IT’S BRAYLON FRICKEN EDWARDS! He’s also the same guy who beat up LeBron James’ friend and declared that Cleveland was a complete dump. How about Keyshawn Johnson? He was overrated just like Joe Namath. All the guy did was talk smack, and he only made the Pro Bowl 3 times. When I see Wayne Chrebet’s picture, no lie, I want to punch someone because he looks like a complete tool who bartends at The Steer.

3) Joe Namath: By far, the New York Jets have the most over-hyped history in all of the NFL. Take Joe Namath. I don’t care what anyone says, if he didn’t play in NYC, he’d be another Len Dawson, who doesn’t get mentioned nearly enough after upsetting the heavily favored Vikings in SB III. However, because he posed in some stupid pantyhose commercial and was a 70’s sex icon, he gets all this love. Did you ever check out the guy’s stats? Awful. He has 47 more interceptions than touchdowns! I’ll go out on a limb and say that is probably the worst touchdown/interception ratio for a Super Bowl MVP. Oh, and about that MVP, did he really have a stellar game? No touchdowns. The defense deserves more credit for shutting down the Colts. Complete hype. Topping it off, the guy can’t walk away. He constantly thinks that fans actually care about what he thinks about the Jets. He doesn’t say anything of value besides reminiscing about the good old days and comparing it to now. Plus, he tried making out with Suzy Kolber. The dude reminds me of that stupid uncle, the one who used to be cool, but now he’s a drunk and makes a complete fool of himself at family weddings. Get off my TV and the crappy back page of the Rightwing NY Post.

2) Mark Sanchez: Let’s keep hating the Jets’ QBs, I’m all for players going out and doing extra stuff. No, I’m not picking up a GQ magazine any time in my lifetime, but I get that professional athletes want to branch out. However, this dude was on covers of Teen Beat  before he even put on a Jets jersey.  You have to earn that cover, dude. Tom Brady…earned it. LeBron James…earned it even though he’s a turd. Sanchez is an average QB and “earned it” because he’s the QB of a NYC team. Plus, the dude makes the tabloids for dating the D-list actresses of the millennium. First, it was Meadow Soprano, who seems to always get around these days. Then there were rumors he hooked up with Rihanna. Now, he’s with like an 18-year-old. Really? 18? Anyway, back to his career. Like Namath, the NYC media and their fans over-hype the kid. For his career, he has 41 touchdowns and 39 interceptions. Nothing earth-shattering, but if you talk to their fans, he’s the heir apparent to Namath.

1) The Fans: I’ll keep this simple because the majority of the tweets I got about hating the Jets had to do with their fans. So, I don’t want to steal their thunder. I’ll go beyond Fire Marshall Bill and the lame J-E-T-S chant. What annoys me most about them is their arrogance towards everyone else. Jets fans don’t understand how pathetic their history is. They won a World Championship 40 years ago, and yet they act like that moment solidifies them as having a glorious tradition. Honestly, I’d rather take our history of having more division titles, more Hall of Famers and more Super Bowl appearances than John Facenda’s NFL Films feature on SB III. If you have a discussion with a Jets fan, they will act like they are Yankees fans and have won multiple titles. They will tell you that Al Toon is better than Andre Reed and Rex Ryan is better than Marv Levy. They live in the moment as if the moment has been going on for decades. They also seem to be in their 20’s or 30’s. The best way to describe them is as a bunch of lawyers/stockbrokers, who go to a bunch of clubs and get the red rope treatment, who still sport their Greek lettering from college, who have Axe products in their hair, who strut like Vince McMahon, who are from Long Island, who make you want to punch the TV when you hear them cheer. To me, they are reason #1 as to why the NFL Draft should be moved out of NYC. They are terrrrrrrrrrrrrrible.

Best of the rest:

—Screw Mark Gastineau’s sperm for bringing the short-lived Gastineau Girls to TV.

—Mo Lewis for killing Drew Bledsoe and making Tom Brady a household name.

—Aaron Maybin, who was only signed by the Jets to help Rex Ryan lose weight.

—Bart Scott for trying to be a wrestler in TNA.

—The Jets 98′ Team that never should have made the playoffs because of stupid Testaverde phantom call.

—Is Eric Mangini really a genius?

—For being the first team to convince Brett Favre to come back, only to send a picture of his penis to some hot chick.

—For the Jets firing that hot hick.

—The Rangers.

—The Yankees.

—The Islanders.

—Metro Stars.

—The Knicks.

—The Red Bull.

—The Devils.

—The Liberty.

—The Mets.

—Pretty much all NYC teams suck.

—For ruining the HBO series Hard Knocks.

—Cablevision…for always feuding with networks.

—Glenn Sather…actually, he’s great! Best GM EVER! RUIN THE RANGERS, RUIN!

—Unless you make 6-figures, you will never be able to afford front seats for your family at any of these games (Besides Islanders and Devils. But, they don’t count)

—Freeman McNeal. Just a terrible name.

—Al Toon: See above.

—Mark Gastineau…again. For having a stupid boxing career.

—Jeff Lagamen’s mullet.

Twitter’s finest

: ☑ Mindless J-E-T-S chant ☑ Corny Flying Jet TD celebration ☑ Maybin ☑ Creepy Foot Fetishes ☑ Did I say Rex=sloppy blowhard

: “Fireman” Ed…I mean is he even a real fireman? How could he never be on duty or on call during jets games?

Fireman Ed

: ☑ Rex = blowhard. ☑ Jet Fans = douchebags ☑ Jets play in NJ ☑ Snookie/Situation, nuff said ☑ Fireman Ed = punk ass mofo.

: I remember reading this w/horror and thinking how I could never ever support this team:

: Can we call them new jersey? that’s super easy…

GQ ads, there is actually a debate about Sanchez vs. Fitz, J-E-T-S chants are the worst.

“New York”

Aaron f#@king Maybin/Rex Ryan’s mouth/Rex Ryan putting on a Carolina Hurricanes jersey/mark Sanchez’s photo shoot/jets fans.

That stupid Draft montage every year.

: Rex Ryan

Foot Fetishes are weird.

: Their logo sucks. It’s barely a logo. Its two words and a football. whee.

: My old boss is a Jet’s fan. He was the cheapest cheap skate you’d ever want to meet. Or should I say NOT want to meet.

Reasons to hate the overrated jersey J-E-T-S, that chant, fireman ed (ex Miami fan), loudmouth Rex Ryan and dirty Sanchez

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